


Smile

by ultimatebromosexual



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depressed Steve Rogers, F/M, M/M, PTSD, all of the avengers are hurting in some way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 23:01:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12568152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimatebromosexual/pseuds/ultimatebromosexual
Summary: A collection of vignettes describing Steve's mental monologue throughout a lot of the cinematic universe





	Smile

**Author's Note:**

> These are all purely made up and I didn't create any of these characters. These vignettes are supposed to be documenting Steve's difficulty with dealing with both his past and this present at the same time as well as the differences between Steve Rogers and Captain America. 
> 
> There is some ties to Bucky/Steve in here but feel free to ignore those for the sake of the story!
> 
> This section is based on The Avengers movie.

 

“Hey Cap!”

 

“Captain America! Over Here!”

 

“Shoot a smile over this way, Cap!”

 

Steve has shot a couple things in his life. Maybe at one point a smile was one of them, but nowadays smiles are more complicated than any weapon he has ever fired.

 

He does what he always does when these overly excited fans surround him, he grins. Does a grin really count as a smile? Steve can remember that smiles signified that a person was happy. Well, he was nowhere near happy but he guessed he could still muster a grin good enough for the public.

 

“Thank you so much, Captain!”

 

They thank him for grinning in their direction. Is that all it took? He has saved people's’ lives over and over again in this century and got criticized for it all.

 

“Vigilante!”

 

“You people are going to bring on the end of the world!”

 

“Not even a real hero!”

 

“Should have just kept him in the ice!”

 

He has to admit that he has said that last one to himself more than civilians have probably said it to anyone, but still, the point was made. He saves the world and yet gets thanked for faking happiness so someone can have a picture.

 

After they leave, he’ll think about how strange this century is as the grin falls, as well as his gaze.

  


* * *

 

 

Natasha reminds him of Peggy in a lot of ways.

 

She’s powerful, and her presence demands respect. He respects her more than he respects himself. He likes her more than he likes himself as well. She smiles at him, usually more curiously than anything else at first. She smiles.

 

Or maybe she only grins like he does.

 

* * *

 

 ~~_Howard_ ~~ Tony is incredibly smart as well as amazingly pigheaded. Tony isn’t actually that much like his father, past the genius and confidence. Steve learned early on not to bring up Howard in front of him. Tony may be a dick but it seems even assholes have things they don’t wanna think about. Tony doesn’t treat him like he is some sort of gift to humanity. Steve proves to Tony that who he’s made out to be isn’t who he really is.

 

They hurt each other but Steve thinks that they both care more than they’ll ever say.

 

* * *

 

Bruce is incredibly smart, like Tony. Only Bruce isn’t an asshole, in Steve’s opinion. Bruce is quiet and shy, but for different reasons than Steve ever was. He was kind and respectful during his first meeting with Steve. At first glance, the tactical side of Steve measured him as no threat, but after everything he’s read, he knows. Bruce is strong. Bruce wasn't always strong.

 

To become strong, many have to lose something.

 

Their childhood.

 

Their parents.

 

Their humanity.

 

And sometimes, even their sanity.

 

* * *

 

Thor is an alien. Aliens are real. Thor is a god.

 

“There is only one god ma’am…”

 

Thor has a brother.

 

Steve’s not so sure he knows as much as he thought he did anymore.

 

* * *

 

What’s the deal with psychopaths and wanting people to kneel for them? Hitler did it. Steve wishes he could have punched the real Hitler just once.

 

Thor’s brother made all of those civilians in Germany kneel, or at least he tried. That one old man stood up. As Steve jumped in to ‘save the day’, he couldn’t help but realize that he would have probably been this old man in some alternate universe, if those actually existed. He thinks about how he could have lived out his life. He fights Loki, a human against a god.

 

Perhaps his life would have been with Peggy, maybe he would have went against the world and followed his heart with-

 

_“Bucky!”_

 

_“Hang on!”_

 

_“Grab my hand!”_

 

Loki lands quite few punches but all Steve can feel is the cold wind in the alps.

 

Stark comes to help. Steve doesn't say much. No one asks.

 

* * *

 

“Everything special about you came from a bottle”

 

Steve doesn’t flinch so that people would see, but inside he shatters.

 

_“Is it permanent?” he had asked, was it just Steve’s imagination or did he sound sad?_

 

_“There was nothing wrong with you to begin with, Steve!” he had yelled one night while they patrolled together._

 

_“You’re so good Stevie, too good for war.” He had said, hand petting Steve’s hair as their bodies curled around each other or warmth._

 

Stark is right, in some ways. The only thing that made Steve feel special is long gone now, but Steve won't back down from any bully, even if that bully was one of his teammates.

 

* * *

 

 

He just punched an alien. 

 

He punched it in the face.

 

He punched a lot of aliens. 

 

Their oddly colored blood covered his shield and the sight and smell of it made him want to vomit up the nothingness in his gut. 

 

His own blood dripped down his face, and it calmed him. It was like a sick sense of comfort. If there was one thing Steve Rogers was used to, it was his own blood staining his skin.

 

 

* * *

 

They did it. 

 

They fucking did it. 

 

They found a way to shut the portal. They could do it. They could save the day. 

 

Then he sees it.

 

Stark is carrying the bomb.

 

Steve feels like he's looking in some sick and twisted mirror, but instead of crashing a plane down into the ocean, Stark is flying up and up and up.

 

Straight into the stars.

 

* * *

 

 

Tony is falling.

 

He's coming down so fast and Steve feels his blood run like ice water through his veins. 

 

He's watching another teammate fall and there's nothing he can do.

 

Who cares if he saved the city?

 

What kind of hero is he if he can't even save his friends?

 

Trick question.

 

No matter how many movies Hollywood makes about 'Captain America' being an 'American Hero',

 

Steve Rogers never fit the role. 

 

* * *

 

 

Aliens.

 

The Hulk.

 

Magical staff.

 

Portals.

 

Mind control.

 

_“Where are we going?”_

 

_“The future.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment and if it seems like people like this, I'll start to try and write some more vignettes for the other movies Stevie is in :)


End file.
